How to speak assertively & be more confident at work or in your biz

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How to speak assertively & be more confident at work or in your biz

In today's video I'm sharing how to gain the confidence to be assertive and authentic, and how to achieve the mindset to LOVE YOURSELF by taking action and stepping out of your comfort zone to learn a new skill-set. 

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So many people struggle speaking to people.

I want to help you speak more assertively and with more confidence.

Before talking about the practical things, when it comes to speaking and communication, I want to talk about mindset.

Here’s what I know. When your mindset isn’t right and your foundation isn’t right, then you can do all the practical tips all day long, but you will just end up running in place. It will be a constant thing that you struggle with because if we are not transformed by the renewing of our minds, then we don't change the way we think or the way we believe, and we don't set ourselves up for success. This isn’t just about behavior modification, this is about changing ourselves from the inside out.

There are 2 belief systems that you have to have when it comes to being confident and speaking assertively. I believe these are necessary mindset shifts we need in order to change.


Belief System #1 You have to believe you are capable of becoming a confident person.

“I am a confident women.”  

When you look at yourself in the mirror or when you think about yourself and who you are, is the first thing you think of I’m not good enough?

Is the first thing you think about negative?

I want you to believe in your heart that you are a confident person. You have to believe in your heart that you can learn new things.

Here’s the deal we will never repeatedly do what we don’t believe we are.

Communicating and being confident has got to be a belief system that you’ve  got in your heart and mind. Those 2 have to be in alignment.

Being a confident woman is your identity, and it is a part of who you are. We have got to believe that about ourselves before we repeatedly do things that line up with that.

For some of you this will be a game changer. In your life, some of you have tried so hard with behavior modification to do certain things, to try new things, and learn something new but you don’t believe that it is a part of your identity. You feel instead like you're a poser or you are faking it till you make it.

What if we reverse engineered all of that?

Now you a going to do things always from a place of identity.

The first step is you have got to believe that you are a confident person and you can communicate assertively. It has got to be a belief system of your identity.

Belief System #2 Confidence and assertiveness is a skill-set.

Confidence is a skill-set. It is a belief system in your mind and also a skill-set you practice.

Whether people think it is something you are born with or not, it is a skill set.

When it comes to communication and speaking assertively, it is something you have got to learn.

So many people have used the label introvert, shy, and socially awkward as an identity or an excuse to not actually learn social and people skills.

If you want to be successful in life you have got to learn some skill sets. You have to always be growing, investing in yourself, and adapting. If we are not growing we are not going anywhere and we are stuck.

You've got to learn a new skill set, practice it, and take action. The more you take action, the more you fail, and the more you will learn.

We have got to be real with ourselves and say, “What am I actually believing to be true about who I am?” “What am I actually believing to be true about my identity?”

If you want to be successful you will need leadership skills, business skills, and social skills.

We are not really seeing each other in our current culture, we are not communicating,  and we are always on our phones.

One thing that builds confidence more than anything is ACTION.

Let’s get into some of the practical stuff.

One of the skills that I learned as a former police officer, is presencing. That is your first line of defense when you are dealing with a threat.

How do you position yourself, and how do you carry yourself?

Body language is so important.

Are you carrying yourself with authority?

I want you to carry yourself as the queen that you are. What does that look like for you? What it doesn't’ look like is that you are hiding from the world.

You can be comfortable and at ease with your strength and at rest with your power.

As women we typically struggle with overthinking and stewing on a certain topic and we struggle with people pleasing and appearing nice at all times. We want everyone to like us, and this can get in the way of our confidence.

It is inauthentic.

Tip #1 I want you to check yourself and your body language and carry yourself as the queen that you are.

I want you to make eye contact and smile, and come from a place of relaxed intensity. You don't need anyone's approval or validation.

Tip #2  Be yourself and be authentic. Love yourself, flaws and all!

This is really important when you are leading and communicating assertively. We think leadership means to be masculine and dominant, and even I have made that mistake. Your femininity is important and you can lead by femininity. You don't have to act like a guy to lead.

Assertive doesn't mean dominating or controlling, it means that you have that relaxed intensity and you have boundaries.

It’s important to be authentic, and be you.

Some of us don’t like ourselves and feel like we need to act like someone else to lead and, the truth is you don’t. Learn your own leadership style.

Be yourself, everybody else is already taken.

Tip #3 You've got to let go of the need to be liked, validated, and have the approval of others.

It has been indoctrinated in us at a young age to live for the approval of man, and we feel like we are never good enough.

You’ve got to know your worth and not live for the approval of man because you will die from the approval of man.

Never let the opinion, words, judgment, or criticism of anyone else affect how you see yourself.  The only way it can happen is if you allow them to.

Never let another human being have the control to make your confidence or self-esteem plumate.

Some of you need to take your power back.

You've got to let go of what people think, and what they say if they don’t like you.

We have got to walk in our authority and the calling that God has on our life.

Another thing we tend to do is take things personally.  We have got to STOP making everything personal.

When you starting thinking and living in the place of needing to be needed, and validated, and liked, and have the approval of everyone, you start a self-fulfilling prophecy.

You are actually thinking like a victim, and this self-fulfilling prophecy starts happening because you are bringing it to the table where ever you go.

We need to always ask God,  “Do I live for your approval, or am I living from this worth as a child of God?” “Or am I hustling for approval and my worth?”

You have got to be in alignment with who you are and where your worth comes from.

Tip #4 Practice speaking, it is a skill set.

Just be you and love you, and let go of the need to be validated by others.

There is power and there is love, as a woman you have to own that and embrace that.

Be mindful of the scenarios you are playing in your head, and visualize a positive scenario. Expect the best. When the best case scenario doesn't come, then learn from it and try not let it shake your confidence, move forward.

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Passion Is Everything,

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About Me

Hey, I'm Lindsey! I'm a faith based empowerment coach that teaches women how to tap into their passion, use their spiritual gifts and build the confidence they need to go after their dreams. I love showing women how to find themselves by finding a deeper relationship with God in my online courses and group coaching experiences. Passion is everything! 

Want to be BFF's? Sign up here and I'll send you my FREE guide: How To Slay The Confidence Game: Six Spiritual Foundations To Gain Confidence, Love Yourself, & Live Boldly. 


P.S. Be sure to join me here over in the Passionista community where you can connect with other like minded women and get all the latest resources for your spiritual growth. See you there! 

3 Everyday Confidence Building Tips

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3 EVERYDAY CONFIDENCE BUILDING TIPS

In today's video I'm sharing 3 Simple Easy Everyday Confidence Building Tips.

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Today what I want to share with you 3 simple and easy everyday confidence building tips.

I think sometimes as women we think that inner work or growing deeper with God, or any kind of spiritual personal growth has got to be deep and intense, and it has to take tons of time. We want to make sure we get everything just right, where all the planets align perfectly, and there is no distraction before we press in.

I want to encourage you that this is not the case.

You can grow in a very simple way. You can do things that are simple, accessible, and sustainable.

That is one of the things I love to do, to teach women how to grow, how to find themselves, and how to maintain who they are by just incorporating the simple, accessible, and sustainable spiritual rhythms in their lives.

So here are 3 simple and easy confidence building tips to incorporate and build a HABIT with in your lives:

Confidence Building Tip #1 Give into agreement.

As women of God, we have to decide every day when we wake up not to be lead based on how we are feeling. Although our feelings are important, they are not facts. We have to choose every day to live based on what we are believing to be true today. "What do I believe that God says about me?" "What do I believe is the truth of who I am?"

The first thing is to get into agreement with what God says about you.

We have a mental knowledge of the truth, but not a heart knowledge. We don't have an intimate experience of knowing that we know deep in our bones, that who God says we are is enough, and that is the place we live from.  

I encourage you to go figure out what God says about you. Go to the word & get with him and ask him what he calls you.

Here’s the deal. He says that you are fearfully and wonderfully made, he says you are seated with Christ, he says you are a masterpiece, and he says that you are good.

There are so many things that God says you are...

You are LOVED!

Every day when you wake up you have got to get into agreement with your heart.

Here is what happens. So many times we hear these things and we know about these things, but our thoughts in our head and the beliefs in our heart are not in agreement. We have to make sure these things are in alignment.

Alignment is huge for your life. When you begin to learn what it means to align your thoughts and mind, you can get those working together.

We know we move in the direction of our most dominant thoughts. We know God tells us to be transformed by the renewing of our minds, to take every thought captive, and guard our hearts because from it flows life.

We have got to practice due diligence with what we are thinking and to what we are actually believing. We can say and think a lot of things, but if we don't believe it in our hearts we are just treading water.

I want you to think about your body, soul, and spirit, and about getting your thoughts, your words, and the belief system of your heart in alignment.

Wake up and begin to agree with what God says about you in your heart.

Don’t ask yourself, “How am I feeling today?”

Ask yourself instead, “What am I believing to be true today?”

Ask God to show you, because he is faithful to tell you.

Confidence Building Tip #2 I want you to begin to affirm what God says about you.

I want you to develop your own personal confidence mantra, your own 3-word phrase or prayer, whatever it is.

We are going to speak with our mouth because we know life and death are in the power of the tongue.

I want you to begin affirming whatever it is you are believing. That you are fearfully and wonderfully made, that you are seated at the right hand of Christ and that you are a masterpiece. You are strong, you are fearless, you are bold, you are brave, and you are confident.

Here is the deal. Wake up everyday & get into agreement and say “I am believing today that I am a confident woman.”

“Why am I a confident woman?" "Because Christ, God, and the Holy Spirit live inside me.”

That is all the confidence you are ever going to need.

Get into an agreement and then affirm it. Speak it out loud with your mouth.

You just say: “I rest in the confidence of God." "I am a confident woman in Jesus name." "Thank you, God, you made me live with confidence.”

Confidence Building Tip #3 Take action.

There are certain things in your life, certain callings God has for you in certain areas, certain passions that we all have in our lives that we experience doubt or hesitation over.

Maybe it’s parenting, speaking at work, saying no, or maybe standing up for yourself. Maybe you need to take the lead but you don't have all the details. Maybe you need a push.

I don't know what it is for you, but my advice is this:

Take action. The action is the only thing that is going to build your confidence. When in doubt, act.

Even if it is a small step. Even baby steps count. It’s about progress, not perfection.

You have got to learn to fall in love with the process that God has for your life, so you can begin to take action even if it is a small step because every little bit counts.

The more you move and the more you take a step, the more you are going to see your confidence in whatever the issue is, start to grow.

Here is something I love and have been saying a lot recently:

Done is better than perfect. A messy action is better than inaction.

The worst thing is to remain stuck, stagnant, and not growing. Living in this place of self-doubt, overthinking, people pleasing, and ruminating over all of your failures.

Don't waste any of your precious time in life in those places. Move forward.

These take 3 minutes every day.

We have a choice, and when we begin to take action then God will redirect us. If you are not on the right path, he will show you where you need to go.

People always ask me, “But what about, Be still and know I am God?”

Being still doesn't mean to stop, it means to surrender and to let go. To cease from striving which is an internal state. It doesn't mean to stay stuck and wait for God to tell you every little thing to do, it means to surrender to your need to control and have everything figured out with all the details.

Whatever you are holding onto, LET GO.

When you let go and know it is in God’s hands, your going to be able to walk with all of the confidence that you need.

I just want you to in a simple way, incorporate these things into your life. Before you know it, it will become an unconscious habit, you will have more confidence, and feel bolder.

You are enough.

We are constantly doubting based on this notion of good enough.

Well friend, I just wanted you to know you are a child of God and when that place is your identity, you are good enough.

It is a process, and we are always on a growth journey. We are always on this journey to becoming the best women each and every day that we are called to be.

I think we can live from this place of, “I'm a child of God,” period. When that is first and we can rest knowing that is enough, then nothing that we do, say, or how well we are performing matters. We have to let go of that so that we can have the confidence that we want.

TAKE action in the direction of your passion.

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Passion Is Everything,

lindseynadlersignature
 

 
 
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About Me

Hey, I'm Lindsey! I'm a faith based empowerment coach that teaches women how to tap into their passion, use their spiritual gifts and build the confidence they need to go after their dreams. I love showing women how to find themselves by finding a deeper relationship with God in my online courses and group coaching experiences. Passion is everything! 

Want to be BFF's? Sign up here and I'll send you my FREE guide: How To Slay The Confidence Game: Six Spiritual Foundations To Gain Confidence, Love Yourself, & Live Boldly. 


P.S. Be sure to join me here over in the Passionista community where you can connect with other like minded women and get all the latest resources for your spiritual growth. See you there! 

DO YOU KNOW ABOUT THESE THREE CONFIDENCE KILLERS?

 LEARN THREE COMMON CONFIDENCE KILLERS FOR WOMEN AND HOW YOU CAN CRUSH THEM! 

3 CONFIDENCE KILLERS

Today in this video I am sharing about the 3 things that will kill your confidence. I am encouraging you to be aware and mindful, because the more we are aware the more we can be intentional about changing.

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3 of the biggest things I have seen over the past decade of coaching and ministering to women:

I have worked with women from all walks of life, and have seen these 3 confidence killers sneak in and become a 3 headed monster showing up without us realizing it. Taking away our passion, fire, and confidence to move forward, and causing full blown self doubt and fear, and everything that is holding us back from God’s true calling.

So what are they?

Confidence Killer #1: Overthinking

Kills your confidence, passion, and creativity, and is routed in doubt and fear.

Confidence Killer #2: People Pleasing

“If you live for the approval of man, you will also die by the approval of man.”

When you live for another’s approval, and worry and think about everyone else instead of focusing on what you need to walk in your calling, routed in doubt and fear.

Confidence Killer #3: Inability to Bounce Back from Failure

Kills confidence and kills creativity, because your inability to bounce back from failure is routed in fear and in your desire for perfection. You feel like you are not perfect because you failed, and you feel unworthy.

Fear of what?

Fear of not being perfect. If you are not perfect you are not worthy.Feeling that if someone doesn’t approve and give acceptance, then you are not perfect.

The reality is all 3 are routed in perfectionism.

This is an evil that comes at women. When you take a risk and fail, and when you feel that you are not part of the crowd and are not accepted. If you are not confident, but know God has called you to something, look for those 3 things in your life.

Let me tell you this...

You are worthy as is and you are who God says you are, and that is enough.

Not making every decision correctly, and not being perfect is enough. Our lives are stories and journeys. Learn the fast failure, and be ok with it. Look at what you learned and don’t make it personal. Accept the fast failure. Don’t wallow and personalize every failure. Begin to stop personalizing and look instead for how you can grow and learn from God.

Embrace that life is not about being perfect, but going after what God has called you to do, make mistakes and keep going. Embrace your passion, and go out keep going for your passion and take a risk. Do some self awareness and ask yourself what are you overthinking.

Your First Step  

Take 60 seconds and make a decision through messy action. It doesn’t have to be perfect. This is a tough one.

If you had a gun to your head, what would be your gut reaction?

Learn to trust your gut. If it doesn’t work out move on.

Who’s approval do you think you need?

We are taught from an early age to ask permission and seek approval, and it puts us in a place that often makes us feel like we need permission. The fact is you need no one’s permission to walk out the call of God in your life.

You may be wondering, “Who am I to step out and do this that or the other?”

Well you probably are no better than anyone else. God asks us to be humble, and all the more reason to share your story with confidence. Your worth is not defined by your successes or your failures. We are constantly learning and growing through failure and mistakes.

So I am asking you...

Do some inner work and allow God to speak to you about who you are and what your identity is in Christ.  You are who God says you are and that is enough. Learn to live from that place of rest.

Remember passion is everything, so don’t let these 3 confidence killers get you.

Passion Is Everything,
Lindsey 

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Passion Is Everything,

lindseynadlersignature
 

 
 
Untitled design (1).png
 

About Me

Hey, I'm Lindsey! I'm a faith based empowerment coach that teaches women how to tap into their passion, use their spiritual gifts and build the confidence they need to go after their dreams. I love showing women how to find themselves by finding a deeper relationship with God in my online courses and group coaching experiences. Passion is everything! 

Want to be BFF's? Sign up here and I'll send you my FREE guide: How To Slay The Confidence Game: Six Spiritual Foundations To Gain Confidence, Love Yourself, & Live Boldly. 


P.S. Be sure to join me here over in the Passionista community where you can connect with other like minded women and get all the latest resources for your spiritual growth. See you there!