Love Starved and Soul Hungry
When I was 10 years old, I hit puberty and hit it HARD. I was what you would call an early bloomer and VERY developed. As if being a head taller than everyone else in my class wasn’t enough to make me feel a little freakish, the addition of boobs, hips and curves surely didn’t help the matter. All the other girls around me were flat chested, dainty, skinny and still wearing bows in their hair, while here I was this WOMAN-child in the fifth grade wearing a C-cup. I looked grossly out of place and certainly didn’t feel like a little princess anymore. Not sure I ever did actually. My mom passed away the year before after a horrific battle with breast cancer and the days of her fixing my hair, teaching me how to dress and how to groom myself were long gone. I watched her undergo the horror that is chemotherapy and radiation and basically wither away and die in front of my eyes. It was traumatic and I was a mess.
Puberty is already a supremely awkward time and not having anyone around to walk you through it is tough. I can look back at it now and laugh but at the time it was supremely sad. My dad was unequipped to help me and was drowning in working off my mom’s medical debt and dealing with his own grief. I didn’t know how to dress or really function in my new body. I was bigger than everyone, clumsy, angry and alone.
The icing on the cake was when my sister and I both caught lice. Nothing like bugs jumping out of your hair to make you feel like a princess. Lovely.
I don’t tell you all this to relive some sob story, acquire pity or make excuses. I tell you this today to speak a warning and serve as a reminder to what can happen to a young girl who is love starved and soul hungry for nurturance. I’m sure you already know the dangers and have lived some out yourself. Open wounds typically attract predators.
You see it was easy for me to toss my princess crown away or accept a lie that I never had one in the first place. It wasn’t until my adult years that I fully embraced being a lady and understood my royal identity through a relationship with Jesus. But unfortunately there was a lot of trauma and darkness that took place beforehand. Much of which could have been avoided if I would have known the truth. The truth about God, his word, and myself.
Young girls need to know they are princesses regardless of how they may currently appear or what they are going through. Women need to know that Jesus can heal the wounds in our souls and fill the parts of us that need filling. That while the current circumstances may feel like living in a prison, we all have a spiritual palace available for us to dwell in.
Deep down inside every woman is an almost insatiable need to be loved and desired. To be pursued and romanced and told she’s beautiful. To be the princess and to be cherished. Every human being needs affection and nurturance but I really believe this is VITALLY more important for women. It’s like oxygen to our souls. We can only go so long with out it before we start looking for other things to fill the void and heal the trauma in our souls that only God can.
A loved starved woman will do things she never imagined herself doing. It’s dangerous and downright scary and breaks the heart of God.
He wants you to know you are beautiful, you are cherished, and you my darling ARE ENOUGH.
You don’t have to settle and you don’t have to live on scraps. What I’ve found is that overtime, as we consume a relationship with Jesus as our daily bread, he starts to change our taste buds for what real love is.
The Holy Spirit wants to fill your soul up and nurture you so much with love that you are overflowing and spilling it out onto others. This is a daily thing. A normal part of the Christian life, not just something you experience through emotion or feelings or when you are performing well on all cylinders. It’s freely given when we choose to abide in him and stay connected to him.
It’s not about earning his love and striving to be something you’re not. It’s about letting him change you THROUGH his love for you and through time in his presence.
I want to encourage you today to let him heal the love starved little girl that’s still down in your soul somewhere. Look at the way your soul (mind, will, emotions, and heart) may be hungry and feed it with the attention of the Holy Spirit.
Wear your crown...it looks beautiful on you :)