How to Establish Boundaries
How to Establish Boundaries
It’s time to put your big-girl panties on. I’m giving you some tough-love. I love doing these every now and then because I think sometimes I don't know what's going on in the universe but we all need to just zoom in and get our focus back together.
Today I want to talk with you about the topic of boundaries and why boundaries are beautiful and loving. If you want to have a passionate, wildly free, amazing life, you've got to learn how to set boundaries.
Here are a couple one-liners for you just in case you need to remember them later. Jot them down, put them in a notepad. Get them in your brain.
I know them like the back of my hand, they are the core values in my life. This is how I'm able to live free and also have really good conflict resolution skills.
One: What you tolerate, you give permission to exist.
Two: What you allow, is what will continue.
Three: No, is a complete sentence.
Four: People will always show you who they are. When they do make sure that you believe them.
Here's the deal, boundaries are beautiful. Boundaries in fact are the most loving thing that you can give yourself, and that you can give other people.
Boundaries are not mean, boundaries are completely necessary in order for you to walk in the calling that God has for you.
Here is what a boundary is, it’s what's okay and what's not okay.
It's “This is what's in my yard, and this is what's in your yard.”
When you have clear boundaries, you've defined the expectation, and you’ve defined what's acceptable and not acceptable in the relationship then everyone knows where they stand. That sets you up to really live a life that is free and have relationships that are much more loving and clear.
Many times women can find themselves in co-dependent cycles, co-dependent relationships or enabling relationships. There's always a victim in those relationships, and a savior or a rescuer.There's the offending party and the party that is taking the brunt of all this stuff.
Both of them are dysfunctional and toxic because they are needing the other person in order to exist. The definition of codependency is the need to be needed.
We've got to look at areas that we may be doing things in an attempt to control on an unconscious level, to get someone's loyalty, because we fear rejection or even in the ways that we’re playing the victim, etc, etc.
Boundaries are Loving, Boundaries are Freeing
You've got to begin to look at your life and say, “I take ownership and responsibility for how I want my life to look and feel.”
When you let these situations continue, people will continue to harm you. You need to voice that, “This is not okay and this will not be accepted,” not only with your words but with the action and the behavior that follows it.
Boundaries are not just a verbal explanation of what's acceptable and what's not, they’re also a consequence, an action that comes with that.
For example, if someone is screaming at me in a conversation I would say, “Hey it's not okay for you to scream at me in this conversation.” Then what I'm going to do is go into the next room and when they’re ready to have a conversation like an adult then we'll talk.
You set a boundary immediately for what's okay and what's not and you take action. You don’t just sit there and say, “Stop yelling at me, stop yelling at me, I don't like it when you yell at me.”
You say instead, “This is not okay, and this is the consequence.“
The consequence is you won't be in the same room with them if they continue to act like an ass.
You've got to be consistent in your boundaries and consistent in your consequences. People that are wise and loving will respect your boundaries.
My challenge to you today is to set some boundaries in your life that you need.
You know what they are, God knows what they are. He's probably already nudged you in some direction towards them.
Remember what you allow will continue. What you tolerate is what you give permission to exist. No, is a complete sentence. People will always show you who they are, and when they do, make sure you are ready.
Now, go set those boundaries.
Passion Is Everything,
Hey, I'm Lindsey! I'm a faith based empowerment coach that teaches women how to tap into their passion, use their spiritual gifts and build the confidence they need to go after their dreams.
I love showing women how to find themselves by finding a deeper relationship with God in my online courses and group coaching experiences. Passion is everything!
P.S. Be sure to join me here over in the Passionista community where you can connect with other like minded women and get all the latest resources for your spiritual growth. See you there!